“Worry is the work of pregnancy,” Pam England, midwife and creator of Birthing from Within, writes. During pregnancy, we worry about everything: about our babies, the environment, our diets, and about our upcoming birth experience. While excessive worry or fear can cause problems, healthy amounts of worrying or fear can be the impetus for pregnant moms to take positive action: to take their prenatal vitamins, to interview their care providers, investigate their birth places, and prepare themselves for birth and mothering. In fact, pregnancy, fear and anxiety go hand-in-hand. So, if you are feeling worry or fear during this “happy timeâ€, take comfort in this: you are not alone.
For many women, however, when it comes to thinking about giving birth, the normal worrying of pregnancy turns into real fear. Perhaps this is your first birth, and your fear has its roots in the unknown, bolstered by frightening stories from friends, coworkers, and even your mother. Perhaps this isn’t the first time you’ve given birth, and your fear has its roots in the very real and very known — your own previous experience. Or, perhaps your fear comes from an entirely different source. Whatever its genesis, your fear is normal, natural, and — surprisingly — beneficial!
Beneficial!? How can that be?
As much as we hate to admit it sometimes, we are, as human beings, mammals. Taken a degree further, we are animals. If we look to the animal world then, perhaps we can find the answer to how fear can be beneficial to us in birth.
A mother doe is in the wood, and in labor. The same hormone flowing through our own bodies in labor — oxytocin — is coursing through hers, causing her uterus to contract rhythmically. With each contraction, her body brings her fawn closer to his birthday. Suddenly, the doe hears a disturbance in the distance. Mom is afraid. Danger is near.
Amazingly, Mother Nature has provided this mom a way to protect both herself and her unborn child. At the sense of danger, the mother doe’s fear triggers the same hormones — catecholamines — that we find in ourselves when facing fear or stress. Catecholamines such as adrenaline prepare the mother doe to fight, or to quickly flee to safety. Until she is safe once again, the adrenaline rushing through her body will effectively shut down her labor, protecting her child from entering the world at a most inopportune time.1
What an exquisite gift she’s been given by Mother Nature — the ability to instinctively protect her child in the face of danger. We are given the very same gift. Mother Doe is a Momma Bear, and so are we.
But what if the threat she perceives is not real? What if the disturbance in the distance is not a hunter, but simply a rustling tree? In this case, the mother doe does not have a way of knowing whether the threat is real or imagined. She will simply react as if in danger, and her labor will shut down. Likewise, if we sense a threat to our selves or our child during labor — whether real or imagined — we will likely see the same effect. In this case, our fear can inhibit our ability to give birth normally. If we are afraid of pain, for instance, or of medical interventions, or even of the hospital itself, we may keep ourselves from allowing labor to progress.
What if we were to face our fears before labor? While the same biofeedback loop ties us to our animal roots, we can distinguish ourselves from animals by examining our fears, and take steps to address those fears before labor even begins. Using the mother doe analogy, we can ask ourselves: is this fear a “real hunter,” something we should truly be concerned with and thus take some action to avoid, or is it a “rustling leaf”, a fear that is not helpful and that we should try to defuse before labor begins? By doing so, we can ensure the environment in which we are giving birth is as safe — for us and our children — as possible.
Take a moment to think about what frightens you. Is it a fear of pain? A fear of losing control? A fear of exposure? All of these fears — and many, many more — are normal. But, unlike the mother doe, who has little control over the environment in which she gives birth, you have the ability to fashion much of your birth experience as you wish. The purpose, then, of addressing your fears before labor is to create the best environment, both physically and emotionally, for you to give birth.
Talk to your care provider about your fears. Perhaps your care provider can offer alternatives or information to address your concerns. Do not be embarrassed about any concern; if you have it, undoubtedly many other women have had the same concern as well.
Seek out support in the form of a friend, a family member or a doula. Surround yourself with other women who have positive attitudes about birth, and who have confidence in your ability to give birth. If you seek them out, you will find many empowering stories of childbirth to ease your concerns.
Educate yourself. One of the most powerful weapons against fear is information. Your knowledge about your own body is valuable and should not be discounted. Add to that a healthy knowledge of normal birth and you can feel confident to make informed decisions and be an active participant in your birth.
Finally, if your fear comes from your own previous experience, acknowledge that. But also recognize that you are a different person than you were previously — and this upcoming birth is a different birth. Take steps to heal from your previous experience and honor your upcoming experience by recognizing it as a new opportunity.
Our fears exist for a purpose. Examine them. Look at them. Use them — to learn, to understand, and to grow. Doing so is an important step in an empowered childbirth. So, perhaps we are animals in our primal state. But we are utterly human — and powerful — in our ability to face our fears, thus creating the safest environment in which to birth, and, ultimately, protecting ourselves and our children.
Thanks, also, go to Triangle Birth Network member Kandace Dole for her inspiration and contributions to this article, based on an article she authored.
If your previous experience was a traumatic one, or even if this is your first birth and you are extremely fearful, consider consulting with a professional counselor who has experience with birth and parenting issues. The Triangle Birth Network is lucky to count among its members several such counselors.
Credits
1. Thanks go to Triangle Birth Network member Nancy Ciocci for this metaphor.